Like the song says, breaking up is hard to do. As someone who’s had their fair share of breakups, I get it. Depending on how long the relationship lasted or how deeply your heart was involved, it can take some time to get past it. But, you can and will get there. I promise.
So, how do you know when you’re really over your ex? And, that you’ve actually forgiven them for breaking your heart? Trust me, you’ll know. Here are four signs that helped me realize I had made it to the other side.
1. You can’t remember the last time you stalked your ex on Facebook. When you first break up with someone, it’s natural to search their social media accounts for any sign they’re missing you…or at least suffering as much as you are. But, what starts as harmless curiosity can quickly get out of control. If you find yourself obsessing over what your ex is doing and who they’re seeing months after you’ve broken up, it’s time to remove yourself from the situation. Stalking an ex on social media will only hurt you emotionally and make it harder for you to move on. One day, you’ll be so focused on you, and maybe even someone new, that you won’t be worried about what your ex is up to anymore.
2. When someone mentions their name, you’re blood doesn’t boil. Just because you hardly think about your ex anymore, doesn’t mean that everyone else in your life will forget about them. Occasionally, a mutual friend is going to bring them up. Pay attention to your reaction. If you get angry or upset, you’re not over them or what they did to you. You can be glad that someone is out of your life, but continue to hold onto the hurt and regret that they caused. Sometimes, you’re not even angry at them—you’re angry at yourself. To get over a past relationship, you need to forgive both parties and choose to learn from whatever mistakes were made. You’ll know you’re really over someone when they no longer have control over your emotions.
3. When you run into them, you don’t freak out and hide. Funny enough, this happened to me recently—with my husband and mother in tow!—and, it made me realize just how far I’d come. Given, years had passed since I had last seen my ex and, while I honestly hoped the day would never come, I was actually glad I ran into him. Not because he had gained a ton of weight (which he hadn’t) or because I got to introduce him to my husband (which I did!), but because it gave me closure. We didn’t run and hide from each other—we hugged and laughed, albeit awkwardly, over how long it’d been. We were sincerely happy to hear that the other was doing well and we can go on with our lives knowing that we’ve made peace, in our own way. If you can walk away from an interaction with your ex feeling at peace, then chances are, you’re over them.
4. You come across something that reminds you of them and can smile. When I ran into my ex, he asked me if I still drove a Volvo. (I owned two in the time we were together.) He said whenever he sees one now, he thinks of me. It was a nice thing to say and it made me realize that as crappy as our relationship had been—and at times, crappy was an understatement—there were some good moments, too. If I could go back, I know I wouldn’t make the same choices I did then, but that makes me wonder if I would be the same person I am today. If I hadn’t discovered what I didn’t want in a relationship, would I have the same healthy, mature, and loving marriage I have today? I don’t know. But, I do know that being able to see the good memories and lessons learned in a past relationship is a very important step in getting over an ex.
“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.”
Are you struggling to get over an ex? If so, I hope these things inspire you to move on with your life and focus on your dreams for the future. You will feel absolutely amazing when you do!